Switching lives - what would you choose?
Posted by Faith, 25 September 2009
A father and daughter came to see me this week about work and retirement.
Natalie, the 30-something daughter was tall, blond and fit looking. I asked her what she'd do if she retired right now.
She didn't pause for breath. "I'd work as a volunteer in the National Parks, I'd hang out at the university library to research subjects that interested me, and I'd lobby the government on environmental causes. I'd teach my kids about the importance of looking after the planet, we'd grow things in the garden together and devise innovative energy-saving devices. I don't have time for any of this right now and I'm beginning to wonder if I ever will."
Natalie was stimulated by her job as a family court lawyer, but she wanted the time to explore and act on the other good causes that she loved more.
I turned to her father, Neil, and asked if he wanted the same. He shook his head. "I want to keep working for as long a possible. I'm an engineer and it's been a great career for me. I'm getting a bit tired, though."
Neil seemed to have plenty of money to retire on, but didn't want to stop work, while Natalie had lots of ideas to fill her days without working, but was always short of money.
They were close as a father and daughter, as Neil had been widowed young and had brought up Natalie on his own. They were worried they didn't see as much of each other as they'd like and that Neil was missing out on time with his grandchildren.
At first, I wasn't sure how I could help other than suggesting that Neil give all of his money to Natalie. If it was that simple, they would have already done it. I needed to know more about them before suggesting options for the future.
I asked, "What would happen if I had a magic machine that could swap you for each other?"
They looked confused.
"Neil, if I could give you Natalie's life to live, and vice versa, would that solve the problem?"
Neil, ever the practical engineer said, "But that's not possible, Faith."
"I just want you to think about the concept - imagine what this could do for you, Neil. You'd be thirty years younger and you'd have all the energy to keep up with your work."
"I'm not worried how old I am. I just want to be useful and not a burden on anyone."
I turned to Natalie. "If you had Neil's life, you'd have money and therefore the time to do all the things you said you wanted. That would be great, wouldn't it?"
Natalie was shocked. "But I'd be too old to take my kids tramping, swimming and to enjoy the great outdoors."
Neil snorted, "I'm not exactly dead you know. I can still do all that stuff and would love to do more with you and the kids."
"So, why don't you?" I asked.
Natalie spoke for Neil. "Because he's too busy working. Life is passing us both by. That's why we're here, Faith. We hope you can help us."
"Well, as I'm a financial tactician and not a family guidance officer I'm going to put this in a money context. It might surprise you to know that money is not your problem."
Natalie spoke first, "But, we've just told you it is."
"Yes I know what you've told me. However, your response to swapping lives revealed the problem lies in your attitude to money, not with money itself."
"But, isn't that the same thing?" asked Neil.
"Let me explain. Neil, can you remember what you said when offered the youth and energy of a 30-year old?"
"Yes, I said I wasn't worried about being old."
"Not exactly. You qualified it by saying that you had to be useful. In other words, you're still in your job because you need something to do. Have you ever thought what would happen if you were made redundant or had to stop work tomorrow?"
Neil shook his head. "I can't bear to think about it. I worry that I'd die of boredom or run out of money."
"Natalie, when faced with the chance of being Neil and having his cash, you also rejected the chance. Instead you wanted time with your children when you were still young enough to enjoy vigorous activities with them. And, there's nothing wrong with that."
"Except that I don't have any money."
Their solution would be to change their attitudes to money. I explained how Neil had got into the habit of working and now couldn't stop. It was difficult for him to change this mindset to one where he could now spend some time and money on things he wanted to do as well as work.
Long working hours meant that he didn't have hobbies or interests outside of his work and he'd missed out on a lot of his grandchildren's lives to date. He'd also worried unnecessarily that he wouldn't have enough money to see him through his senior years.
Natalie had also worked hard, but had fallen into a spiral of matching her spending to her income. She bought consumer items and convenience foods for herself and her family to compensate for the long hours she sometimes had to work, when she really craved a simpler life.
I helped them to work out a way to help each other so that each could have the balance they needed and valuable time together as a family.
With Neil's input I calculated what he'd need financially for the future and proved to him that he had enough to retire on (even if he got busy with lots of hobbies).
As a result Neil planned to:
- Negotiate a gradual exit from his work place - e.g. arrange a 4-day working week in the next 12 months, followed by the 3-day working week for another period of time and so on until he was ready to be in full hobby mode. This would give him time to build up a life and interests outside of work.
- Because he loved organising, he would use some of this freed-up time to plan holidays and tramps in national parks for Natalie and her family and then join them on these activities.
- Spend some fun time with his grandchildren to invent energy-saving devices and try them out.
- Become a business mentor to one new engineering company start-up per year and one new engineering graduate per year in his/her first job.
- Become a member of a non-profit organisation that needed his engineering skills, such as historical aircraft restoration or maritime or car museum.
Natalie reprioritised her goals and set new ones, which were based around her saving money so she could work less, giving her more time with her father and children. She:
- Prepared a budget so she knew exactly what she spent her money on and then she targeted her spending towards her goals.
- Built up an emergency fund for unexpected expenses.
- Arranged the right medical, income, trauma and life insurance so she would be able to provide for her family in any circumstances.
- Invested in a KiwiSaver fund for her eventual retirement.
She then planned to:
- Complete additional training to specialise in environmental law, so she could work in the legal field she loved most of all.
- Join in with Neil's cheap, fun family holidays in National Parks.
- Begin a garden. Neil offered to do the hard digging part to get her started.
So, if you could change your life, what would you choose?
Find out more
- Make a transition in your life http://www.keepingthefaith.co.nz/financial_planning_faith_blog_170308.cfm
- Make a change for good http://www.keepingthefaith.co.nz/financial_planning_faith_blog_160109.cfm
- The rule of happiness http://www.keepingthefaith.co.nz/financial_planning_faith_blog_280809.cfm
- Secure your retirement - plan to work less (or not at all)! http://www.financialawarenessweek.co.nz/financial-planning/steps/step6.php
Buy my new book Faith Speaks Money Talks to discover how to:
- Stop money pouring out of your life
- Smash the spending habit so you have more money for what you really want
- Handle the big money decisions with ease
- Buy property with confidence and without going broke
- Get a better life with the 7-week money challenge
- Decide what is important to you
- Make the most of KiwiSaver
See previous blogs:
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Can you grow a money tree?
What's holding you back?
Money or your life - which has more value?
The seven secret thieves
Five questions to change your life
Find that spark
Switching lives - what would you choose?
Who can I trust to help grow my money?
How to swim in a sea of money
Life can be unfair
The rule of happiness
No way to live
Anyone can be good with money
Best ways to warm up winter
Who wants to be a millionaire?
The secret of wealth
Keeping your money safe
Having it all
Win an all-expenses-paid trip for two to Europe (Part 3)
Win an all-expenses-paid trip for two to Europe (Part 2)
Win an all-expenses-paid trip for two to Europe (Part 1)
Make a change for good
A recipe for a happy Christmas
Nothing else matters
Rage, rage against the dying of the light
Make a wish come true
Buying or Selling a House – Those that care least, usually succeed
When is a good time to buy a house?
Sleepless Nights in a War Zone
Transitions - more life or more of the “same old, same old” boring stuff?